“But Is Family”- Guilt, Obligation, and the Psychology of Saying No

(Kaieteur News) – There are people you can tell no. Then there is family. A coworker asks to borrow money you do not have? No. Somebody you barely know wants to inconvenience you? No problem saying no. But let your sister call. Let your mother say she needs something. Let a cousin explain that things “rough”. Let somebody remind you that “family supposed to help family.” Suddenly the word no becomes much harder to pronounce.

You may already be tired. Your own bills may be waiting. You may have helped the same person five times. Yet somewhere between obligation, love, history, and guilt, you hear yourself saying: “Alright. I gon see what I can do.” And sometimes the problem is not that we do not know how to say no. It is that we have been taught that saying no to family makes us a bad person.

In many of our communities, family has never meant only parents and children living under one roof. Family stretches. Grandparents raise grandchildren. Aunties become second mothers. Older siblings help younger ones. Cousins grow up almost like brothers and sisters. Somebody goes abroad and begins sending barrels, school clothes, money, medicine, or whatever else is needed.